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hi I'm Kathleen. I'm 14 and live in a tiny town in southern New Jersey. I've moved around a lot due to my parents always being separated and I've been in this town for about a year now and everything was okay up until some time last year when I first encountered my demons. I have the worst self esteem of anyone I know and I was always made fun of for weighing more as a kid and even now as a freshman in high school I still get anxiety that people talk about me. I thought not eating and over working my body was the way to go since that's how my pencil thin mother did it. I wouldn't eat and run until I couldn't breath and collapse on the side of the road at crew practice. I didn't feel any better. I started self harming out of pure hatred for myself. I wanted to get out of my life and jump right off that jersey bridge. I planned for weeks and stood at the edge of the bridge for hours in the morning and would get back on my bike and ride to school like nothing was wrong. I never told anyone how I felt and to this day only one or two people really know. I had always loved music and bands but they were always purely for fun but no ones music ever touched me the way yours did. the first song I ever heard was car radio. I broke down into tears and couldn't stop. nothing had ever understood me the way your songs did. you helped me realize that I wasn't alone in this that I wasn't crazy for feeling like I was sitting in silence all the time. I thought I was alone. no one ever suspects that there's something wrong with the girl on varsity crew, honor role, and who has "a ton of friends" and is always busy as hell but my demons are the worst thing that's ever happened to me and I can't loose them but since I heard your music I completely changed my life around and I've been trying to stay clean for you guys. if you could overcome so can I. I love you to the moon and back and I owe you my life a million times over. you kept me from jumping. thank you so much and see you in philly|-/ I already shared a lot of my personal struggles but I thought I should take time to really thank Tyler and Josh.I was going through a really rough patch and needed some inspiration to stay alive, that's when my best friend showed me Twenty One Pilots. She saw them at the IHeart radio music fest and she said they changed her life. I checked them out and the first song I heard was Car Radio. I was lost for words almost confused that after all these bands and singers that I vowed described my life and saved it, I finally found one that completely understood exactly how it felt to suffer and be contemplating suicide every night and hiding it all away from your friends and family. Many bands don't like to sing too much about the darker side of life and to me, to sing about the real struggles of life takes a lot of courage. They have put into words how I have been too afraid to say to others. My family life hasn't always been the best and when my mom isn't home I always have TOP blasting to drown out the silence. I feel like I relate to Tyler so much in the sense that behind closed doors we are a lot alike. We feel the same about life and it helps so much to hear his music and know that I'm not alone. Josh is the best friend I always wished I could have. Together, they are the most incredible duo. Even at my lowest points, my TOP friends are always a message away and to be a part of a clique that understands all the things I'm going through and is willing to always offer support is the best thing I could have received at this point in my life. Although many of the lyrics are meaningful to me in their own ways I love the lines from Kitchen Sink "No one else is dealing with your demons meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning, friend" I've always lacked purpose in my life and just starting high school with these words in mind encourage me like nothing else ever has. So Tyler and Josh, thank you. Thank you for the memories and the friends I have gained, thank you for the incredible music and lyrics that have mended my broken heart, thank you for the songs that give me hope and courage to stay alive, thank you for being yourselves every day, thank you for saving me and my friends, thank you for caring when no one else did. I love you guys more than I could put into words I hope one day I can tell you this to your faces.
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1 Comment
maggie
11/19/2014 09:16:55 pm
this is freaking dope!
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November 2013
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