In September of 2009 I packed up all my worldly possessions and moved 300 miles away from every single one of my friends and family members to start college. I was 17 years old. I knew no one, was known by no one. I was an Elementary Education/Exceptional Needs double major. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life and exactly what everyone else wanted me to do with my life. After I completed my freshman year, I found out very quickly by looking at my 1.98 GPA that I was going to struggle. I had severe ADD/ADHD, I lost my insurance when I moved to college, therefore losing my medication. I floundered in my classes. I was lost. In 2011 I changed my manger to Elementary Education with a concentration in Science. I couldn't be a Special Needs teacher, I had two siblings with Autism, it was too real. I spent the next year struggling in my classes. I tried to hard to apply myself but I couldn't make my brain focus. I ended up having to petition into my classes and write all kinds of appeals over the next two years. It was in January of 2013 that I was told I couldn't graduate. Let me rephrase that, I was told I couldn't be a teacher. I ignored my teachers and I fought and I fought, but my grades just wouldn't cut it. It was March 6 at about 2AM when my friend and I were chatting on Facebook. He sent me a link to a song. Car Radio. and from there Holding Onto You. I downloaded the two songs, got in my car and drove for hours listening to those songs on repeat. Crying and yelling at God because I felt abandoned and I felt as though my life had lost the purpose that I had been striving for for the past 4 years. On March 6 at about 9AM I changed my major. 6 weeks before I was supposed to graduate. I was lost and so I got the rest of Vessel and then got regional at best and then got twenty one pilots. For months I spent hours driving around listening and singing along, all the while pleading with God to help me figure out my place in this world.
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November 2013
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