Pilots, Please be advised - this story holds some sensitive content.
Twenty One Pilots saved my life. literally.
A few months ago, things weren't going very well or me. I stopped taking my medicine, which was of course not the smartest thing to do, and I couldn't stay clean for more than a day.
I had been a TOP fan for a while. I had found out about them through Youtube. I was a huge Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Paramore, and a ton of other bands, so of course I was subscribed to Fueled By Ramen. One day I noticed a new band, called Twenty One Pilots. I decided I would check them out. I was instantly hooked. But for a while, they weren't high on my listening list. To be honest- I wasn't listening to music at all, really.
One night, things were pretty bad. That when I decided maybe, maybe I should kill myself.
That seemed like the most logical thing to do at the moment.
I wrote my letter. I wrote a will, too. I even did my makeup really nicely so I'd look pretty when they found me in the morning.
I crept downstairs and grabbed a couple of pill bottles, some water, and a bottle of bleach. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it yet. All I knew was I would do it tonight.
I emptied the contents out on my bathroom floor, then locked the door.
I thought for a minute.
Was I really going to do this?
Yes. It was the only thing I could do.
I texted my friends, telling them how great they were and how I would miss them. I told them that they shouldn't feel bad when I was gone, and that they should continue living their lives. No one texted back. Everyone was asleep. They would get the texts in the morning. I'd already be dead.
I unscrewed the first pill bottle. I took out two.
Then the next. I took out three.
Then the third bottle. I took out four.
I took out five in the next, then six, then ten.
Thirty capsules.
I took one pill. I swallowed it down with a swig of water.
Then another.
Then another.
Three down. Twenty-seven to go.
It was a very tedious process. With every pill, my throat seemed to clog up.
Four pills down. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.
I sighed and clicked on my iPod. 1:27. I needed to hurry up.
I unlocked my iPod, and decided to put on some music.
Maybe that would make the process go by faster.
I put it on shuffle.
I swallowed another pill. Ten down. Twenty to go.
Then Tyler began to sing.
"Now the night is coming to an end."
That's for sure, I thought, chuckling to myself.
"The sun will rise, and we will try again."
I swallowed another pill.
"Stay Alive, stay alive for me."
I paused for a second. What?
"You will die , but now your life is free."
I dropped the three pills in my hand.
That's when it hit me. I didn't want to die.
I didn't want to die at all.
What had I done?
Why die, when there are so many great things in life? Why die, when there's Tyler's laugh, and Josh's lame jokes? Why die, when there's songs like Trees, and Johnny Boy, and Ruby- songs that make you realize how great humans really are? Why die, when there's someone out there, someone who wants you to stay alive? Is it really worth ending your life? No, it's not.
I started to cry. I remembered the voice behind those words. Tyler Joseph. He was in Twenty One Pilots.
I remembered everything then. I remembered their stories of how they met, I remembered Jenna and Debby, and Mercy and Jay and everyone. I remembered Chris Joseph's tweets, and Josh's backflips.
Twenty One Pilots- They were pretty awesome. And I didn't want to live in a wold without them. I turned up the music.
Tears were streaming down my face. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live.I couldn't die like this. That would be giving up. And pilots don't give up. We keep fighting, we keep pushing until we've won the battle. I had to stay alive, I had to keep fighting. For Tyler and Josh. I threw up every pill I took, and cleaned up the mess I made.
I told my parents everything. Yeah, it was embarrassing, and being admitted to the hospital wasn't very fun at all- but the good thing is, I'm still alive. And I'm happy that I'm alive too, thanks to Twenty One Pilots.
In September 2013, I was able to see FOB, PATD, and TOP during Fall Out Boy's SRR tour. I was very happy I had stayed alive for that. In November, I got to see Twenty One Pilots at HOB San Diego, and it was the greatest show of my life. I got to hold up Josh's drum kit, and hold up Tyler during Holding on to You. I also made very definite eye contact with Tyler during Truce. Is that a sign? I think yes. Yes, life may suck at times, it may suck A LOT- but I promise, it will always get better. If you give up now, you could miss amazing things that could happen in the future. If i continued downing those pills, I would be dead- and I would have never seen TOP live.
Please, stay alive. Even if it's just for tonight. Because life is a wonderful thing. And it's worth living. People like Tyler and Josh make life as great as it is. And it will get better.
Thank you, Twenty One Pilots- for everything.
I owe you my life.
Stay Alive I-/
A few months ago, things weren't going very well or me. I stopped taking my medicine, which was of course not the smartest thing to do, and I couldn't stay clean for more than a day.
I had been a TOP fan for a while. I had found out about them through Youtube. I was a huge Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Paramore, and a ton of other bands, so of course I was subscribed to Fueled By Ramen. One day I noticed a new band, called Twenty One Pilots. I decided I would check them out. I was instantly hooked. But for a while, they weren't high on my listening list. To be honest- I wasn't listening to music at all, really.
One night, things were pretty bad. That when I decided maybe, maybe I should kill myself.
That seemed like the most logical thing to do at the moment.
I wrote my letter. I wrote a will, too. I even did my makeup really nicely so I'd look pretty when they found me in the morning.
I crept downstairs and grabbed a couple of pill bottles, some water, and a bottle of bleach. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it yet. All I knew was I would do it tonight.
I emptied the contents out on my bathroom floor, then locked the door.
I thought for a minute.
Was I really going to do this?
Yes. It was the only thing I could do.
I texted my friends, telling them how great they were and how I would miss them. I told them that they shouldn't feel bad when I was gone, and that they should continue living their lives. No one texted back. Everyone was asleep. They would get the texts in the morning. I'd already be dead.
I unscrewed the first pill bottle. I took out two.
Then the next. I took out three.
Then the third bottle. I took out four.
I took out five in the next, then six, then ten.
Thirty capsules.
I took one pill. I swallowed it down with a swig of water.
Then another.
Then another.
Three down. Twenty-seven to go.
It was a very tedious process. With every pill, my throat seemed to clog up.
Four pills down. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.
I sighed and clicked on my iPod. 1:27. I needed to hurry up.
I unlocked my iPod, and decided to put on some music.
Maybe that would make the process go by faster.
I put it on shuffle.
I swallowed another pill. Ten down. Twenty to go.
Then Tyler began to sing.
"Now the night is coming to an end."
That's for sure, I thought, chuckling to myself.
"The sun will rise, and we will try again."
I swallowed another pill.
"Stay Alive, stay alive for me."
I paused for a second. What?
"You will die , but now your life is free."
I dropped the three pills in my hand.
That's when it hit me. I didn't want to die.
I didn't want to die at all.
What had I done?
Why die, when there are so many great things in life? Why die, when there's Tyler's laugh, and Josh's lame jokes? Why die, when there's songs like Trees, and Johnny Boy, and Ruby- songs that make you realize how great humans really are? Why die, when there's someone out there, someone who wants you to stay alive? Is it really worth ending your life? No, it's not.
I started to cry. I remembered the voice behind those words. Tyler Joseph. He was in Twenty One Pilots.
I remembered everything then. I remembered their stories of how they met, I remembered Jenna and Debby, and Mercy and Jay and everyone. I remembered Chris Joseph's tweets, and Josh's backflips.
Twenty One Pilots- They were pretty awesome. And I didn't want to live in a wold without them. I turned up the music.
Tears were streaming down my face. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live.I couldn't die like this. That would be giving up. And pilots don't give up. We keep fighting, we keep pushing until we've won the battle. I had to stay alive, I had to keep fighting. For Tyler and Josh. I threw up every pill I took, and cleaned up the mess I made.
I told my parents everything. Yeah, it was embarrassing, and being admitted to the hospital wasn't very fun at all- but the good thing is, I'm still alive. And I'm happy that I'm alive too, thanks to Twenty One Pilots.
In September 2013, I was able to see FOB, PATD, and TOP during Fall Out Boy's SRR tour. I was very happy I had stayed alive for that. In November, I got to see Twenty One Pilots at HOB San Diego, and it was the greatest show of my life. I got to hold up Josh's drum kit, and hold up Tyler during Holding on to You. I also made very definite eye contact with Tyler during Truce. Is that a sign? I think yes. Yes, life may suck at times, it may suck A LOT- but I promise, it will always get better. If you give up now, you could miss amazing things that could happen in the future. If i continued downing those pills, I would be dead- and I would have never seen TOP live.
Please, stay alive. Even if it's just for tonight. Because life is a wonderful thing. And it's worth living. People like Tyler and Josh make life as great as it is. And it will get better.
Thank you, Twenty One Pilots- for everything.
I owe you my life.
Stay Alive I-/